This is an exclusive Thelemic Onion report on the results of our exhaustive investigatory research.
Earlier this week, the investigators at the Thelemic Onion received a tip from a reader. This reader passed along a secret document from a man who is known among mortals “10=1 Ipsissimus Superstar 93° C”, a man who claims to have solved the “Riddle of Liber AL“.
Mr. Superstar, 37, is currently unemployed and confirmed that he has no real skills or social support network other than a small Cthulhu plushie doll he keeps on his bedstand. He noted that he is “completely free of all profane endeavors” including rudimentary hygiene.
Our investigators met up with Mr. Superstar at his home where the air was permeated with a fine haze of cheese dust. When our investigators looked at his “Key to the Riddle”, the first 3 pages involves a long Imprimatur with a list of every officer occupying every grade of his magical order, all of which are really Mr. Superstar’s own mottoes. When asked about this, Mr. Superstar exclaimed:
“I am one with the entire universe, and I, like, command it, you know. “
After the Imprimatur, there is an autobiography that begins at Mr. Superstar’s birth but then quickly gets derailed with a long and overly pedantic discussion of magical lineages. As part of his explanation he explained:
“I once accidentally drew a magical circle around myself in permanent marker,” Mr. Superstar noted. “I didn’t get out of there for days.”
The actual “Key to the Riddle” involved a long list of arbitrary mathematical operations and loose associations.
“No one’s ever thought to do that” Mr. Superstar explained, “You know, like, adding and dividing the numbers and you keep going and WHAM! 418, baby.”
When he was asked what “418” means as a Key, Mr. Superstar replied, “It’s the Great Work”. When one investigator pointed out “it’s just a number”, Mr. Superstar responded, “I am Aleister Crowley reincarnated.” Our investigators were stunned to be so lucky to have this opportunity to meet him!
In the end, Mr. Superstar did not allow our investigators to print any of the Key, but we received permission to divulge that it also explained the connection between the Akashic Records, the Bilderberg Group, and Chemtrails, that Lam is not an alien but a sentient piece of candy corn, and that E.A. Koetting is actually Mr. Superstar’s Moonchild.